You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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