Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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