is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
