I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
