why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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