Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
