The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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