happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
