i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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