Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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