he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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