he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
