all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My vagina just recognized that song.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
