i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
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I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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