Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
