He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
