After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
