Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize