i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
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there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
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They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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