Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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