Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
