After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
