Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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