Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
