i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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