..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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