I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
