I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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