Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Everclear isn't food dammit
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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