So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
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