we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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