Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
