Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
