i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
