after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Even my vagina gasped.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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