He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
