NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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