Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
