I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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