I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
