i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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