So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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