It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
