His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
