..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
