My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
