do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
