ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
