Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
