yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I love having hate sex.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
