No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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