how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
