Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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