How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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