I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
