He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
