I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
