I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Let's get the cat blown out
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
