Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
