I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
